All the World's Sorrow
by Amanda Swiftgold
Summary: Sequel or companion story to Athanasia. Freya has found love in an unexpected place, and now must return to Burmecia to discover if she will be able to return it.
1. Introduction

Hi everyone. First off, spoilers for the game, so ya. This one is from Freya's point of view, and is the sequel/continuation to "Athanasia", so it's probably best if you read that one first. If you have, there's very little to explain, as it's sort of the same style, so please enjoy.

Unfortunately, Freya will never be crossing out her writing because strikeouts no longer work. If you'd like to see this fic the way it was meant to be seen, please visit the writings section of my website for it, grrrr.

The rating in this one is mostly because of strong language.

For Guardian, who wanted another, so I will do my best to not disappoint you.

"All the World's Sorrow"  
By Amanda Swiftgold

Introduction

_To Nathanael Geshama  
Midnight Lane, Treno_

_From Dareana Mosacai  
Antigone Path, Theater District, Lindblum _

Beloved Nathanael,

To my dearest little brother, many fond greetings. I hope that this letter finds you in good health and spirits, and that your studies at the university are improving. All here is well, and Mother, Father, Spencer and the children send their love. Do not be alarmed at this extra letter from home, as it is not bad news but rather good news; at least I do hope and expect that you will find it so.

Enclosed in the package you will find with this letter is something that will be of great interest to you. Do you remember our sweet little neighbor, Idun? Her grandmother in Burmecia recently passed away, and left her possessions to Idun. Among them was this packet of letters and journal writings which seem to have once belonged to the legendary Dragon Knight Freya Crescent.

I thought that might intrigue you, dear brother, if I may be so bold as to surmise your excitement at this moment! I remember well your fascination with the great heroes and fantastic deeds of olden times, and when I happened to mention this to Idun she made a gift of the letters to you. (I think perhaps she is a little fond of you, Nathanael, though I beg you if you see her, do not ever mention to her that I told you!)

Although it is worn somewhat, the correspondence appears to be in good condition and, most importantly, authentic. They appear to consist of letters Lady Crescent received as well as sent, along with personal writings of her own. They have previously been ordered by date as well, so you should have no difficulty perusing them. I do believe that you will find it of significance and a worthy addition to your collection of Eight Heroes lore.

Fondly,  
Your big sister  
Dareana

P.S. Father says that you must not 'idle your time away with books', and remember to mind the store when you are scheduled, for he will not send rent money for you this month. (I do hope that I have not greatly added to your temptation with this package!)


	2. Entry One

"All the World's Sorrow"  
By Amanda Swiftgold 

Entry One 

--I shall not be forgotten. 

I suppose that is why I have decided to write this now - I have realized just what memory means. And I think... I also realize just how important it is to me. Being remembered, that is. 

I don't know, is that a good beginning? I am not sure how to start this, actually. Maybe I will speak of my past, though I will not start with that beginning right now. This is a different sort of beginning that I am approaching, a different sort of future than I ever anticipated before. 

As I write this I am sitting near the edge of a cliff, just off the path leading from Treno to South Gate. Amarant is asleep, apparently, though I never can tell if he is really sleeping or not at this distance. He is probably aware that I am writing something, and I know he will want to read this as I have read his writing. 

Well, Amarant wrote his book as if he were speaking to someone in the future, but I do not plan on ever showing this to anyone else. I know that when he suggested to me that I write down my own thoughts, he was aiming for me to let him read it, but if I wish to be honest here then I know I could never let him read this. And truthfully, would he have been so honest if he'd known I would read what he'd written? I think not. 

The sunlight in this area is quite an odd phenomenon, though maybe no odder than Burmecia's perpetual rain. It always appears that the sun is setting, and it is one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen, even taking into account everything I have witnessed, like the light of Terra. The sky is orange and gold and so bright it almost hurts my eyes. 

Soon enough I will not see the sky like this anymore. When we reach South Gate we will part and I will continue on to Burmecia to do what must be done. It must be done alone. Amarant would come with me if I asked but that is something I cannot ask him to do, especially now when things are so changed between us and new. 

Like he wrote before, if someone had told me when I first met him that I would kiss this man, I would have - not been very pleased with the teller. Even so, I think that now I am glad things turned out this way. There is something very compelling and safe about a thing like that, about this sense of being wanted and needed in some way. 

Though I want to stay near him I must go on for now before I can return to him. I must leave the past in order to move into the future. I do love my home but I am also afraid of it. No, to tell the truth I am not afraid of Burmecia but more what going back there means. I left it not long ago and went to Alexandria because I was afraid, I had an argument and a realization and I was afraid. I left and in Alexandria I found warmth again but now I must go back in order to settle things. 

I am dreading returning and the weakness that I feel. My weakness that is waiting for me to return. 


	3. Letters One

"All the World's Sorrow"  
By Amanda Swiftgold 

Letters One 

_To Amarant Coral from Freya Crescent_

Hello. I hope this gets to you before I happen to see you again, or else I will feel as though I have wasted my efforts. I know how you tend to avoid speaking with the moogles, however, and so it's a good possibility you will never get your mail. 

Well, maybe I am foolish for wanting to write to you, especially such a short time after we have parted. But if I hadn't done it I know you wouldn't have, so, well, here it is. I think I understand now how hard it was for you to start writing things down because I have so much here to say and no idea how to begin it. 

I can't ask politely whether you've arrived in Alexandria safely because I know it's a foolish question. What else do people write in letters? I haven't sent one in such a long time I've forgotten how. 

I'd like to ask you to thank Zidane for me, for bringing me your book to read when I was so confused about what you'd told me. I really had no idea that you were writing all that while, even when I came into the room in the middle of it. And I'm glad that I was able to find you in time, before you were drowned. I don't know, it seems that things all worked out for the best in the end, and isn't that the best way for endings? Beginnings too. I just hope - it stays that way, that's all. 

I should reach Burmecia tomorrow, the ground is getting muddier and the rainclouds are almost overhead. I should be able to take care of things there and leave again within a week. Burmecia will always be my heart's home, but I am also looking forward to seeing Alexandria again and also to seeing all the other places I have not been in a while. (I hope I am correct in assuming that you would not be satisfied staying in one town for a long time, and that I would be welcome to go along with you wherever you would be going.) 

See you soon. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

_To Freya Crescent from Amarant Coral_

Hey, I didn't know you wanted me to write you letters, or else I would have. And I am now, so problem solved, right? Someone's got to start it, it was just you this time. Always been you now that I think about it, one way or another. And you didn't even have to worry about me finding a moogle, since one of them came and delivered it themselves. Zidane fixed their mail thing for them, remember? Besides, I would have found it myself eventually anyway. 

At any rate, you don't need to play that manners game with me, I hope you should know that by now. Just say what needs to be said, forget the damn weather. It's good to hear from you, though. 

Sorry, but I'm not going to thank Zidane one bit. I've only been here a day or two and already I've had enough of him and his smug looks, and if you were here they'd be even worse, so it's probably a good thing that you're not. He already thinks that you forgiving me was all thanks to him and he's being the most insufferable little idiot this side of the Mist Continent, being that Eiko's not here and all. Well, I am glad that you came before I drowned too, but it doesn't have anything to do with him. 

Oh, and don't be stupid. Why would I go off and leave you here once you came back? All I want to know now is why I couldn't have gone with you to Burmecia. There's as little for me here in Alexandria as there is anywhere else. 

Heh, this is still a bit weird and I probably sound stupid now. Oh well, you know me by now and you can forgive this too. See you when you get here. 


	4. Entry Two

Hey, it's a new part! By the way, I've found that strips the strikeouts from the stuff uploaded here, so I've taken out the struck-out words. You can find the good version on my site (link in my author profile). The same goes for "Athanasia", which also has a Fancy Version in the correct font up. 

"All the World's Sorrow"  
By Amanda Swiftgold 

Entry Two 

--I have seen now that you can never truly return to the place you have left. Everything has changed here, though it has not been so long since I went to Alexandria. Maybe it's been like this - for longer. Maybe all I have now are my memories of Burmecia, my childhood memories. It is not the same, it's colder now, and even though we're rebuilding and rubble no longer lines the streets, they are not my streets. 

My home. My beautiful home. Why can't I love you like I used to? 

Oh, I hope my melancholy can be forgiven. But, this is all I can think of as I sit here, looking out the window of my room, listening to the rain, watching it spill across the stones, streak across the glass. 

I left, storning away like a child, seeking solace in Alexandria, seeking Dagger's advice. This is what everyone knows, what the people murmur to each other, why they watch me with veiled gazes when I pass by. My journeys have ruined me somehow, even though they were once only in search of Sir Fratley, my aim only to kneel at the feet of my senior knight, to find comfort in his arms once more. 

He, of course, has forgiven me for running, accepted my apologies of frustration at the state of things here in Burmecia. And, tomorrow morning, Fratley will sit down at the table with me in the echoing halls of the palace. As we have ever done, we will make the decisions that will affect our people's lives. 

But it is he who is their leader now, him they will look to for protection, not me, not Freya their so-called hero, who has ever abandoned them when they needed her. A Dragon Knight, yet still a flighty female, still unworthy of my lance in their eyes, though they would never say it now. 

And yet I will abandon them again, I will prove them right, and go traipsing around the world with Amarant - with a 'bounty hunter', they might sneer, if they were inclined at all to be polite. They would sneer even if he were King of the Outer Continent, for whatever else he may be, Amarant is not Burmecian. 

No, not Fratley, either, Fratley who says he loves me even though he doesn't remember the night of the moon hidden against a cloudy sky, our whispers to each other, the dreams of young lovers in the dark. They can't understand why my feelings for him have cooled now that he has returned because some things are better in memory alone. 

Most of all, they can't understand what has happened in the time since I left. I have come to a turning point in my life, a time when I have to make important decisions, decisions that I really do not want to make. I must decide what is in my heart which is no easy task. Amarant ran from me because he is was afraid of what he I thought of him after he told me his secret. 

I was very lonely that day I approached him, when I tried to get to know him better and everything unexpected happened. It was just very painful, to for the first time see his eyes, and to see that they are blue and to also see fear in them... Amarant is not the man I'd ever think to see fear on his face. Oh, I am rambling now, now I know how it feels. I do not have quite the way with words that he does. 

What I am trying to say is that I never expected Amarant to tell me why he was afraid and I must admit for a moment I was afraid of him after that too. It makes me ashamed to even say this, and things could have turned out a lot worse. I could have lost him for good but thanks to Zidane that didn't happen. It was very strange to read his thoughts in his book, to see what he thought about me and about what I did, these things I had no idea about. And it did make me think of him in a different light, and I was most especially not prepared to have to save him when I found him in Treno. 

I was not prepared for anything that happened, and that has unnerved me quite a bit. My heart is heavy now with many troubled thoughts, enough that I must feel much like Vivi did. 

Now that I am in Burmecia now, there are many things I must do and decide. I must decide how to feel. This is not something I can do in one night's time, or even one week. And so here I must stay until everything is settled. My head must be clear before I choose what my duty will be. I owe this to both of them. 


	5. Letters Two

Wow, it's been a while. Sorry all this is taking so long for something so simple. 

"All the World's Sorrow"  
By Amanda Swiftgold 

Letters Two 

_To Amarant Coral from Freya Crescent_

Hello, I hope you are doing well. Everything has been going well here, for the most part. It's so much quieter here now than it used to be, but we have gotten some of the bells back up and I must confess, when I heard one ringing as I passed on the street, I couldn't help but laugh out loud. Laughter is another thing that is more rare now too but it is slowly making itself known again also. 

Now that I know all about the sorts of decisions Dagger has to make, even though she has her advisors and counsel, I can't envy her one bit. There is always someone needing something from Fratley or I, some question or another, and I am afraid I haven't had much of a chance to speak with him about the things I came back to say. But, I will be finding someone to serve as a replacement for me, to assist him with the decisions of the rebuilding, that is, of course, and then I will be ready to go. It should still not take any longer than I'd expected at the start, I think. 

Please tell everyone there that my thoughts are with you all, if you would. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

_To Freya Crescent from Amarant Coral_

Everything is fine here. It's the same old same old and you're not missing a thing. 

Just hurry up and tell him already, don't get back into that old routine of being a shadow. They'll live without you when you go so they should start getting used to it now, right? 

I was thinking we might want to go back to Ipsen's Castle or something. It was such a screwy place but after everything I think it might be good to look at again. It's not every day you see an upside-down castle anyway, am I right? I've even got some cheap-ass weapons handy in case there's more of those creatures inside. Not that we couldn't get rid of them even without that, I imagine. Or we could go anyplace, not Treno, not Alexandria, anyplace. Whatever you'd like to see. Who's to tell us no? 

You can tell everyone whatever you want when you're back here to see them. So, yeah. See you then, soon. 


	6. Entry Three

"All the World's Sorrow"  
By Amanda Swiftgold 

Entry Three 

--This may be one of the hardest things I have ever had to face. It sounds wrong to write that, to say it as if fighting for your life, for your friends and your world, is something so very trivial. But I feel as if it is, I feel as if everything in existence hinges on the words that were spoken to me this night. 

Fratley has asked me to marry him. 

Fratley has asked me to marry him.

Oh, my heart twists to read it there! Years ago it would have leapt to see it, I would have wanted nothing else, and now I want nothing else but to rub it out and make it disappear! He does not remember me, he does not know me as I was but only as I am now. If I could pretend that he loves me now for who I am now then I could pretend I was happy, but this is impossible. This is not how he feels, but he has asked me for other reasons, for the happiness in the eyes of my people, for stability and for the future. The two heroes of Burmecia united in matrimony and thus rises Burmecia again! It is a dream, it is his dream and I want to believe it is mine too- 

And yet I know, I know in my heart of hearts that my dream is simple comfort, another's arms, another's hidden gaze. Or - or is it? If I could have Fratley back as he once was, have the man I searched for ceaselessly for so many years, would I take that dream instead? The one I wanted for so long, made my reason, my life, all to have? 

Eiko would tell me that the answer is obvious, her seven-year-old eyes seeing far clearer than mine ever could. One of them loves you, the other one doesn't. Naturally I should choose love over practicality. 

But dear Eiko and her wisdom doesn't see how hard this is for me. I - am frightened. Above all I don't want to hurt him. He has had such a hard life and I know, I know he does not want my pity. He would rather I killed him than pitied him and if I pitied him I think it would kill him, kill his heart, as trite as that sounds. 

Everybody needs someone, not just me. There is one thing Amarant wrote that struck me and if I hadn't given his book back to him, I would keep going back to stare at it, touch those scratchy written words. I took it for granted, I had my parents and siblings and - and Sir Fratley to tell me I was loved. 

I want to be the one, the first one to tell you. I want it to be true. But how can it be? How can it be when Fratley holds my heart right in his hand? He is squeezing it now tighter and tighter but it belongs to him and he must do with it as he pleases. 

This is a trap, I am caught in a trap and there is no right answer to get me out of it. Why can't I be smart enough to let go of him, to see clearly enough and follow the best path? I need to tell myself- 

No, I cannot say it even in a whisper, cannot even begin to write the words. Is it even possible to love two as well as one? No, no, it's not, and that's why I have to choose. I have to choose, or I have to die, cowardly, and forfeit it all. 

Please, gods, help me make the correct decision! 


	7. Letters Three

"All the World's Sorrow"  
By Amanda Swiftgold

Letters Three

_To Freya Crescent from Amarant Coral_

Hey, is everything going okay? You haven't written back yet, and I feel like a fool for doing this, but I figured I'd send this just in case. The moogle here says it'll get it to you right away but if you're already on your way back feel free to hit me when I see you. I already feel like some naggy housewife so I guess I'll shut up now.

Oh, yeah, if that Fratley's taking the news badly or something let me know and I'd be happy to explain things myself, if you get my meaning. We've got places to go.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_To Freya Crescent from Zidane Tribal_

Hi, Freya, I just got your letter. I wish I knew what to tell you, I really do! I've known you for a while, you know, but I guess I can't tell you how to feel. And I don't want to pick sides, either, but I bet think you probably already know what side I'd pick anyway.

I will say that I hope I see you coming back here anyway, though I hope you will have good news and not bad, of course. I'm not helping at all, am I? It's not even funny, I knew what to do for Amarant but I don't know what to do for you.

He's been seriously antsy lately, too, always looking out the windows and the like, it's weird. Oh, I know he acts funny around me lately anyway because I read that book of his and now he thinks I have something on him, maybe, that I'm going to tell all his secrets. But Freya - you know how he feels. Dagger thinks he misses you, I guess it's true. And I know this is hard for you, it has to be very hard, doesn't it? But it will be hard for him too and I know you know that.

I just can't tell him for you. It's not really right, you know? But you've got to tell him, I'm sorry but - you do. I wish I could help you anyway. I'm sorry.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_To Amarant Coral from Freya Crescent_

I am very sorry that I haven't replied to your last letter until now. It's just that there are some things that have happened and I must admit I am not very sure what to do about it all.

I don't want to be writing this, I don't want to be writing this to you but I can't avoid it now, can I? I have done a lot of thinking, so much, and I don't want you to feel that I came to this lightly.

I am sorry, Amarant, but Fratley has asked me to marry him and, I am sorry, but I think I will say yes. This is not because of you, please don't think that it has anything to do with anything you have done. My people are a mere fragment of what they used to be, we are wiped out and scattered and they have no one else to look to, you see? He and I are the strength and the backbone and they need us. Both of us, this is how it is, and I am so sorry to do this to you. I hope you forgive me and can believe when I say that I do care about you. But things can never be simple, can they?

Oh, I can't write this anymore

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_To Freya Crescent from Amarant Coral_

Tell me you were joking, Freya. Why the hell did you send me something like that?

Are you some kind of goddamned idiot? What are you trying to pull on me? I still remember what you told me that night you fell asleep on my shoulder, that you are so sure he doesn't really love you, that he's only with you out of duty, and yet you're wanting to marry him now even knowing that?

I don't think I know you anymore. Or maybe I never did. And maybe you think you know me too, you think you know everything about me just because I let you read what I wrote, but you're all wrong. I don't think you know anything. If you aren't happy then you get the fuck out, you don't just stay there for his sake. You don't.

What are you thinking? I know you're not happy, I know it, unless everything you told me then was a lie, that I was dumbfuck blind and you weren't back in Alexandria soaked wet with hollow eyes because you were unhappy.

Do you think this will make me disappear? I'm coming to Burmecia. I'm coming there, Freya. I think this Fratley has a lot to answer for, you get me? And he's going to answer to me. After that, whatever. I don't care. It's your life, isn't it? Always has been, forget anyone else, it's whatever Freya wants. Whatever you want.

Fuck, no, I'm not going to stand for it. You don't mess with me - you don't mess with me.

I thought you were strong. I guess I was mistaken.


End file.
